My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
