1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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