i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize