You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
