I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
