I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
