I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize