Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
