dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
