Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
