Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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