That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
True strength comes from lack of pants
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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