Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Drunk is not a location!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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