WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
