i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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