this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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