Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
