I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
