pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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