I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize