There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
