i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize