Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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