U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize