My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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