I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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