another moral hangover. fuck.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
