youre lurking in front of me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize