i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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