Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
