Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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