Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
