Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
