I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
