Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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