im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
