I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize