We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My bed smells like the plague
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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