My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
