watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
