I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
