i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
