Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
