My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
