If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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