i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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