ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
