guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
