This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
