pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
