I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
