Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
