I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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