you told grandpa to call you daddy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
