i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize