my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
