you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
