On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
