Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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