I understand Curling. That high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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