i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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