ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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