at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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