If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
