i just wanna soil my oats bro
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
