I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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