I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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