i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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