is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
