8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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