bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
