He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
