I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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