just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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