You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
