Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
