My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
