I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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