The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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