so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
