In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
