I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think i have two assholes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
